I can’t believe that I have been a stay at home mom for 3 years now. It seems like just yesterday this journey began. We have had a lot of ups and downs in the last three years but now it feels like we are in a pretty good place. Little man starts 3 year old preschool in the fall 2 days a week and Squeaker starts 2nd grade. It just doesn’t seem possible that they are that old already.
We are having Squeaker’s first friends birthday party tomorrow. She has only ever had family parties so this will be a new experience. Luckily all her friends that are invited I am good friends with their mom’s so it should be a pretty easy time for us. Little man will just be along for the ride. We are having a small family party this weekend while we are camping, so that will be interesting.
Happy Birthday my loves, without you my life would not be complete.
Boston. Fucking horrible.
I remember, when 9/11 went down, my reaction was, “Well, I’ve had it with humanity.”
But I was wrong. I don’t know what’s going to be revealed to be behind all of this mayhem. One human insect or a poisonous mass of broken sociopaths.
But here’s what I DO know. If it’s one person or a HUNDRED people, that number is not even a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a percent of the population on this planet. You watch the videos of the carnage and there are people running TOWARDS the destruction to help out. (Thanks FAKE Gallery founder and owner Paul Kozlowski for pointing this out to me). This is a giant planet and we’re lucky to live on it but there are prices and penalties incurred for the daily miracle of existence. One of them is, every once in awhile, the wiring of a tiny sliver of the species gets snarled and they’re pointed towards darkness.
But the vast majority stands against that darkness and, like white blood cells attacking a virus, they dilute and weaken and eventually wash away the evil doers and, more importantly, the damage they wreak. This is beyond religion or creed or nation. We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We’d have eaten ourselves alive long ago.
So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, “The good outnumber you, and we always will.”
This really hit home for me. In the face of such senseless violence, I sat in my kitchen chair watching the news wondering why in the world I brought children into this. After all these acts of violence lately I really have began to question it. But then I read this quote from Patton Oswalt and I got it. As long as people continue to raise their children with a sense of good instilled in them, we will be ok. As he said “The good outnumber you, and we always will”
I love talking with other moms and hearing about their families. I have a friend who has a daughter who just turned 8 and has never spent a night away from her. With Squeaker our first night away from her was when she was over a year old. Once we moved closer to home they became more frequent and little man started his overnight stays before he was a year old. Our nights without the kids are about finding time for us, working on our relationship and spending time together without interruptions. Sometimes we don’t even go anywhere, we stay home and work on projects that are just too tricky to do with the kids home. Other times we hop on a plane and get the heck out of dodge (not that often, maybe once a year if that).
So it got me thinking. Where do you value your marriage in your family? For me without it, I don’t have anything. I love my kids but someday they will grow up and leave the nest and then it will just be Hubby and I. I feel like I have to put the time and energy into my marriage because if I don’t it will fizzle. I worry that if I spend all my time focusing on the kids that my relationship will suffer. I also don’t ever want to view sex as a chore. I want it to be something that I enjoy with my husband as a way to connect. My marriage is a top priority.
Often times our relationship with our partner gets put on the back burner and we lose focus of what is important.
Am I the only one that feels this way?
I know I touched on it in another post, but cancer sucks. It seems like every time you turn around someone you know is affected by it. Back in December hubby and I went and got tattoos in support (all proceeds went to the family) of a little guy in our hometown that was diagnosed with leukemia. We don’t personally know him or his parents, but we hoped that if it were us people we do the same thing. As we get further into his fight with cancer I keep finding ways that we are connected to him and it makes me happy that we chose to help his family even if it was a small way.
Now fast forward and he we are facing down a biopsy on a spot on hubby’s eyelid. It all started while he was gone on his 3 week deployment for work. He thought it was just a style which he has had numerous times before, but by December it was still there and not getting any better. I finally convinced him (with a lot of help from his mother) to go the eye doctor to get it checked out. The doctor took one look at him and wasn’t happy with what he saw. He gave him a prescription cream to try and said he needed to come back in a week if it didn’t go away 100%. Needless to say nothing changed and when he went in they told him they were going to refer him to an ophthalmic surgeon after the first of the year. Hubby put it off until everyone got on his case again and now he is scheduled to go in just over 2 weeks. We have no idea what they are going to do at this appointment. It may just be a consult or they may go in and do a biopsy. I am honestly hoping the just do a biopsy so we can get answers and not have this hanging over our heads. If it is cancer I want to be able to get it taken care of and kick cancer’s ass.
I want my kids to have their daddy. I want my husband. I don’t want to have to think about doing wills and planning for worst case scenarios. The thought of that scares me to death. I lay in bed at night and think of the what ifs. I know it isn’t healthy but I can’t stop it. What if I lose him. What will I do. I honestly have no plan in the event that something bad happens. It really sends your brain into overdrive when you think like that. (Not to mention it really hinders sleep).
Am I over thinking this? Probably. Is it even cancer? Who knows. But until we go to this appointment my brain is going non-stop.
Spent the last week or so working on Little Man’s new room. He was in a very small room that we are eventually going to turn into a master bathroom so we figured it was time to get him moved into his new room. This room used to be the kids playroom and it has been fun trying to convince little man that it is his new big boy room. Hopefully this transition will help a little with potty training (he still has no interest in it at 2 and a half) as we left his changing table in the old room. Here are a few pics of the work that I did in there. It started out with dark wood paneling and it turned into a big boy Lightning McQueen room. I still need to get some picture printed off of Little Man with Daddy and the race cars to put on the shelves but it is coming together.
I love how Lightning turned out!
Our free Craigslist dresser. Needs a little love yet but for a 2 year old it is perfect!
Cozy little snuggle/reading corner
I am loving how it turned out and what little boys room wouldn’t be made better with Daddy’s racing trophies?? So far I have less than $100 into his room. I spent less than $60 on paint and supplies, $15 for the Lightning decal on the wall, $3.50 on the new curtain (on clearance last year), and $0 on the dresser. Love being able to redo his room and not have it break the bank!!
I have so many things swimming through my head at any given moment, but to try to catch a single coherent thought that I can actually write about and have it be semi interesting is next to impossible. You would think that being a stay at home mom life would be all rainbows and unicorns, but I have found that it is pretty tough mentally, especially in the winter. I hate feeling like a shut in and I am really hating this winter as it isn’t a real winter. Our weather is so bi-polar. One week it is subzero temperatures and the next it is almost 50 degrees. We really haven’t been able to get out and enjoy winter at all.
There are a lot of other things that are currently going on as well. We have had to deal with a couple of losses within family and within a good friends family and that always make you think and question. The lovely cancer word is also rearing its ugly head again. Between a friend’s husbands testicular cancer, father -in-law finding skin cancer and hubby having to go for a biopsy for what may very well be cancer it is just a lot to process.
They are growing way too fast. I can’t believe how big and independent they are becoming.